From the Book: Divorce Amicably
This is a chapter summary from Chapter 6 of Divorce Amicably, a guide to navigating separation with dignity and cooperation.
Chapter 71 Author: Kathryn Harry
With over 30 years of Illinois family law experience, I have developed strategies for maintaining a a low conflict atmosphere so that you and your spouse may continue to function like the civilized humans you were before you decided to divorce. In the forefront of my mind when helping individuals find a resolution is the real fact that you will see your spouse again in the future, at parties, weddings, graduations and even funerals. It is so important to divorce amicably so that these future events may be experienced by you and your family without the added drama that so often accompanies divorce, ex's and blended families.
Why Supporting Both Parent-Child Relationships Matters
Children with active, positive relationships with both parents thrive emotionally, socially, and academically. They feel secure knowing both parents are involved and invested. Likewise, parents who maintain low-conflict relationships with their ex-spouse reduce stress for themselves and model healthier behavior for their children.
The reality is simple: your children are always watching. How you act—whether with respect, flexibility, or hostility—shapes how they feel about themselves and their relationships with both parents.
Practical Steps to Foster Positive Connections
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Encourage regular communication: Support phone calls, video chats, and in-person visits with your child’s other parent.
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Stay flexible with schedules: Adjust visitation as needed to prioritize your child’s well-being and your co-parent’s commitments.
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Speak positively: Avoid negative comments and instead highlight strengths in your ex-spouse to reinforce respect.
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Support their bond: Show interest in your child’s experiences with your ex without prying or judgment.
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Create consistency: Align routines and rules across households when possible. Tools like Our Family Wizard can help manage communication and logistics.
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Attend events together: Demonstrate unity at games, performances, or ceremonies to reassure your child.
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Make joint decisions: Beyond big-ticket items like medical care, work together on daily parenting matters to avoid placing responsibility on your child.
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Celebrate milestones together: Birthdays, graduations, and other special moments can still be shared family events.
Special Consideration: Gray Divorce
Divorces later in life—known as “gray divorces”—bring unique challenges when adult children are involved. While custody and support are not at issue, adult children still rely on parents for emotional and sometimes financial support.
Avoid oversharing details or speaking negatively about your former spouse. Instead, agree to present a balanced, respectful perspective. This approach helps adult children maintain loving relationships with both parents and strengthens family ties across generations.
Creating a Lasting Difference
Promoting positive relationships between your children and both parents is not just about today—it’s an investment in your children’s long-term well-being. By fostering cooperation and mutual respect, you create a supportive co-parenting environment that minimizes stress and maximizes stability.
Invest in Your Family’s Future
Divorce Amicably provides guidance to help families strengthen bonds and reduce conflict after divorce. Order your copy today and learn practical strategies for creating a healthier, more connected future for you and your children.
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