From the Book: Divorce Amicably
This is a chapter summary from Chapter 6 of Divorce Amicably, a guide to navigating separation with dignity and cooperation.
Chapter 79 Author: Stephanie Robins
With over 20 years experience as a clinical social worker and family therapist, and as a graduate of University of Alabama specializing in Children, Adolescents, and Families, she is currently serving as private practitioner working with a broad spectrum of clients. Her areas of expertise are in Anxiety Disorders, ADHD Interventions, Infertility/Postpartum, Marital/Relationship, Play Therapy, Grief/Loss, Divorce Adjustment, & Parent Education.
In addition to being a prominent relationship and family therapist, Stephanie Robins, LCSW has presented at National conferences and to general audiences speaking on the topics of Parent Education, Anxiety Interventions with Children, Grief/Loss, Play Therapy, Divorce/Stepfamilies, and Anger/Stress Management.
Why It’s Hard to Let Go
Divorce ends more than a relationship—it ends a shared future, routines, and part of your identity. Common reasons letting go is difficult include:
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Emotional attachment – Bonds don’t dissolve with the signing of papers, especially after years together.
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Fear of the unknown – Worries about rebuilding, relationships, or how children will adapt.
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Unresolved grief or anger – Lingering resentment or sadness tether you to the past.
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Sense of failure or guilt – Viewing divorce as personal failure, or guilt over pain caused.
Signs You May Be Stuck
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Constantly replaying the past.
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Strong emotions about your ex that linger long after divorce.
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Struggling to form new relationships.
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Avoiding life decisions because of attachment to the past.
When Your Ex Can’t Let Go
Sometimes the challenge comes from your ex. If they cling to the past or stir conflict:
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Set clear boundaries – Limit communication to essentials, especially if co-parenting.
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Avoid drama – Don’t get pulled into arguments; keep responses calm and factual.
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Seek support – Legal or therapeutic help may be needed if boundaries aren’t respected.
What to Do If You’re Struggling to Move On
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Acknowledge emotions – Grieve, feel anger, and recognize lingering love without shame.
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Consider professional help – Therapists specializing in divorce recovery can help process unresolved grief or anger.
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Focus on your own life – Rebuild your sense of self by investing in activities and relationships that bring joy.
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Journal or meditate – Writing or mindfulness keeps you present and helps release emotional weight.
Practical Steps to Move Forward
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Create new routines – Fresh habits create stability.
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Find a support system – Lean on friends, family, or groups who uplift you.
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Limit contact with your ex – Keep communication minimal and neutral.
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Practice forgiveness – Let go of anger, guilt, and resentment toward your ex—and yourself.
Moving Forward with Confidence
Letting go isn’t a single event—it’s a process. With time, patience, and intentional choices, you can release what no longer serves you and open space for healing, growth, and new beginnings.
Moving forward is about reclaiming your life—step by step, with compassion for yourself and trust in what lies ahead.
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