From the Book: Divorce Amicably
This is a chapter summary from Chapter 6 of Divorce Amicably, a guide to navigating separation with dignity and cooperation.
Chapter 78 Author: Dara Marias
Dara Marias oversees Kainen Law Group's Holistic Divorce practice. Ms. Marias' practice includes three areas: (1) amicable divorce representation, (2) divorce mediation, and (3) holistic divorce education. As a Certified Amicable Divorce Professional with a Specialty Designation in Gray Divorce from the Amicable Divorce Network, Ms. Marias provides non-litigated divorce representation to clients who, together with their spouses, seek to resolve all their divorce issues outside of the court system. Ms. Marias is also Nevada's only Certified Advanced Practitioner with the Academy of Professional Family Mediators.
Why Emotional Awareness Matters
Emotions are part of being human. When unacknowledged, they can hijack your behavior and decisions. Divorce stirs up anger, sadness, fear, and confusion—but ignoring or suppressing them only makes them stronger. Mindfulness helps you create space between yourself and your emotions, so you can respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Understanding Emotions in Divorce
Emotions are like the weather—constantly changing. Just as storms eventually pass, so do feelings. Recognizing that emotions are temporary allows you to avoid extremes:
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Avoidance: pushing feelings away, numbing, or distracting.
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Entanglement: letting emotions control everything, leading to outbursts or rash actions.
Mindfulness provides a middle ground where you can notice and name your emotions without being controlled by them.
Practical Tools for Mindfulness
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Label Your Emotions
Simply naming what you feel—anger, frustration, sadness—lessens its power and creates distance between you and the emotion. -
Notice Physical Sensations
Tune into your body. Are your shoulders tense, your chest tight, or your heart racing? Identifying sensations grounds you in the present and shifts focus from the story fueling the emotion. -
Stay Balanced
Balance means acknowledging emotions without drowning in them. This balance is the foundation of emotional agility.
Quick Fixes When Emotions Take Over
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If entangled in strong feelings:
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Remind yourself: “This is anger. This is anxiety.”
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Focus on senses—what you see, hear, or feel.
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Practice box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4).
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Exit tense situations with a calm boundary: “I can’t discuss this now, but I’ll revisit it after I’ve had time to process.”
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If avoiding emotions:
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Acknowledge what you’re feeling directly.
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Reflect on whether the situation was truly harmful or if your interpretation magnified the response.
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Use this awareness to re-engage with balance.
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Taking Back Control
In divorce, it’s easy to believe your ex is the source of all your negative emotions. But no one else controls your emotional experience—you do. Others may trigger feelings, but your response determines whether you spiral or stay steady.
Emotional agility doesn’t eliminate pain, but it gives you the power to navigate it with clarity, stability, and dignity.
Building Emotional Resilience Through Mindfulness
Mindfulness doesn’t require hours of meditation or a complete lifestyle shift. Even brief daily practices—like mindful breathing, labeling feelings, or pausing before reacting—can transform how you move through divorce. By cultivating these skills, you reclaim control over your inner world and make space for healthier choices and a more peaceful path forward.
Take the first step toward emotional clarity and resilience—discover how mindfulness can empower you to navigate divorce with strength through Divorce Amicably.
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